Fortune Telling

The other day, I had a day filled with a mind full of all the horrible things that might happen... As I sat around the hospital with my mom, all I could think of was I am not ready to lose her. She has to be okay. And while I watched Lifeflight take a little boy about my son's age to Primary Childrens, I thought about whether I could ever pick up the pieces and go on if something ever happened to one of my kids. I felt scared, sad, helpless... and then I couldn't stop thinking about all the people in this world who live with that terror every single day of their lives.

I think sometimes that my life is hard right now. It seems our family is being bombarded by one thing after another trying to weigh us down. My confidence has taken a hit in the last year or two that I have previously not experienced, or maybe I am just humbled beyond belief. And the stories I hear from most everyone are similar to mine in the volume of trials they face.

Yet somehow... I awake every morning and 'plow the field', do what I can, try to find solutions. If I listed the amount of trials we have gone thru in the last year alone, I might contemplate driving a cherry red convertible off a cliff ala "Thelma and Louise." But, my choice is my freedom, and I choose to look at all I have gained.

Tim and I have been forced (literally forced, lol) to pull together more than we ever had before. I have gained a new appreciation and understanding of my parents. I have taken time to prioritize my children over everything else. I am learning to "compartmentalize." I have let go of old friends who are contradictory to our progress, and found that I really matter to those that really matter. And that nothing else really matters. I have learned to put my ego in check, and accept my quirks and failures as a part of my eternal success. And I have found that I can find happiness in circumstances of extreme, ongoing stress and frustration. It's my own choice. "It's not what you look at that matters, it's what you see."

My Amazing Nephew

Just wanted to pay tribute to Chan-man. Also I used the song I referenced previously. Plus... my mom's blog is awesome, check it out! www.menandangels.blogspot.com

Winds of Change

I love the rain. I love the change in weather... I enjoy the warm sunny days as much as anyone, but there is something about the rain. I am sitting here listening to the sound of the crashing thunder, the rain bouncing off my windows, and I cannot help but relate this thunderstorm to life, specifically my life, but also, I am sure, yours.

Thunderstorms are powerful, magnificent. They bring energy, inspiring fascination in some, and fear in many. But ultimately, they signify change.

Every day I am faced with questions with no answers, plans I can't make, and the uncertainty of what tomorrow brings. So much of life is spent building something, trying to accomplish something, going somewhere... what happens when what you sacrificed for is over? When you read the last page of that particular book? When the song starts to fade, and when the credits roll? What do you do? This is another question to which I have no real answer, but this is what I feel is the path our Father set us on, not a 'straight and narrow' path like the popular analogy, but one filled with hills and valleys, peaks and drop-offs, and endless doors.

A few years ago, I had the chance to ride the famous 'slick rock' trail in Moab. It was crazy! I had no idea (not really being an avid biker) that my tires would adhere to a rock at such a steep angle. That I didn't have to get off and walk, but I could stay on my bike throughout all the ups and downs. It was difficult, but the path was clear. And I knew many others had successfully ridden before me.

This is what I figured out. When the door closes, open another one. Take a moment to relish in your successful completion of one leg of the path. Stay on your bike. Trust those who have traveled before you, nature (or God) will adhere you to the path. Don't quit. Create something new for yourself, bless the lives of those around you. Life your life. Don't let what you have to give be limited to your comfort zone, go out to the unknown, face that hill, bless new lives. Even when you don't know why, when it's painful, when there seems no reasons... find a reason. Embrace change as what it is, God's gift to you... a proverbial shove through a new, wondrous door.